Posts Tagged ‘prayer’

Living in the same space, looking at the same walls, seeing the same people, doing the same things day after day after day, the hidden things have taken on more importance. 

The lacy red bra that I wear under my comfy sweater during interminable video calls, the moments of silent prayer that sustain me when I hear yet more discouraging news, the inner voice that reminds me to cage up those monkeys jumping around inside my head telling me what I should do, can do, what I have left undone, should not have done… The quiet practices that help me maintain my sense of calm and my sense of joy – walking, reading, praying, connecting, talking, writing, sleeping, rest, creative work.

And an inner sense of loving humour to forgive and laugh my way through my daily stumbles –  forgeting to unmute on that call, mixing up the clean and dirty laundry, imagining I can do twelve hours work in seven, handling the unexpected bubbling up of grief, realising yet again I have absolutely no idea what we are having for dinner, binge watching five episodes of that show because the remote was just slightly out of reach. 

And wondering what those terribly serious people on the video call would say if they knew that I put on that lacy red bra just for them.

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The other day I found an old “to do” list. 

It includes a myriad of tasks: pay bills, vacuum, tidy living room, groceries, return DVDs, buy present, tidy bedroom (not crossed off), dance 11:45, piano 1:30, birthday party 3 pm, dinner guests 6:30.  A Saturday list. Only one of the items was for just for me, or rather, just for me and God: Pray.

The list is from last winter, when I was taking a prayer course.  I had signed a covenant to pray for an hour a day.  It was a struggle.  Some days I prayed myself to sleep.  I said “no” to invitations and requests for help to find that extra seven hours a week for three months.

Finding God in the everyday: urban sunset

Finding God in the everyday: urban sunset

But it was a blessed three months.  I was calmer, more centered.  I saw God in my friends and children, and in the every day moments of my life.

Leaving work one evening I walked past a homeless woman huddled with a cardboard sign that read: “I pray that tomorrow will be better.”  In the midst of rushing home, I was catapulted into prayer. 

One morning, running late for work, I parked my car as “Let It Be” by the Beatles played on the radio.  As I pulled into the parking space the sun fell on a flock of sparrows chirping and preening in a bush.  I caught my breath as I felt:  “Let it be… all will be well … I am here.”

So, after the course was over, I resolved to continue my prayer practice.  But one thing led to another (did I mention sleep? work? kids?) and my prayer time slipped off my “to do” list and back to a few stolen minutes before bed. 

Now I realize that the fruit of that intense prayer period was long lasting.  In the following few months I changed jobs, refocused my volunteer commitments, stepped more deeply into worship and began more reading for pure pleasure.  I played more with my children, spoke more often to my parents.

So perhaps tomorrow’s “to do” list should begin with one word: Pray.


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